I deserve this because…

How often do you say or think to yourself “what did I do to deserve this” when something I going well in your life?

Have you said

• I deserve success because I will help people
• I deserve to earn money because I’ll give it to charity
• Or I deserve to have love because I love so many people

These are things I hear from clients all the time, and honestly things I used to say to myself.

I want to tell you a secret – this one will change the game for you if you truly believe it.

You deserve everything you desire because you are enough.

Exactly as you, without having to change. Living the life of your dreams shouldn’t come with clauses, terms or restrictions. Because honestly you are already worthy. Just because you were born, just because you are alive, just because you got this far. Just because you are enough.

Where does this mindset come from?

For most people, it has nothing to do with the thing they desire (success, wealth, love, abundance) and everything to do with the fact that they don’t feel like they deserve it. So a “trade-off” is needed. Like I can only have wealth if I give loads to charity, and in the process of giving loads away, it is then impossible to accumulate wealth. You can see the issue here.

This mindset of not being worthy enough is programmed in for years before we even realise, we are constantly taught to compare our lives, families, bodies, children, homes, and everything else in between to the people around us. Social Media is a place to show off the 1% of your life that you want other to be jealous of and hide the 99% of your life that you think will make you look bad.

With media, influencers, gurus, and that voice in your head – it is not hard to see why this mindset can be hard to shake.

So how do you shake it?

The first thing is knowing you have it. You have to become aware of your thoughts. Aware of what you are letting that little voice tell you on a regular basis. And even once you have done the work, it will still sometimes creep up on you. Like this week, we had gone from a lovely 13km walk along the seafront, sat in a huge (social distanced) beer garden on the pier and on returning home I found my husband laying on our bed, cuddling one of the cats and watching a video on his phone. I slid under his arm, put my head on his chest and lay there for a moment. And I suddenly noticed the thought “What did I do to deserve this”. Now this was a blissful moment and I loved appreciating it. BUT I can be in appreciation without lower my own self worth.

By saying “what did I do to deserve this” I am implying in my mind that I need to continue to be “good” in order to continue having these moments. And I know that is not the case, certainly not with Jay, after almost 10 years together we have been through a lot. And always come out together. So this idea that their are conditions on our relationship is crazy. But for years that is how I felt.

Once you become aware, you can start to correct these thoughts. But this takes practice. Because as you can see, even after 3 years of doing the work on my mindset, thoughts still pop up.

I started with awareness – so writing down the thoughts. This process of brain dumping was such a great way to start to take control of the situation. Once I had awareness I focused on two things, identifying where the belief or thought came from. And two correcting the thought or belief with a new more helpful thought.

Identifying where the belief or thought came from

This was interesting to explore, most beliefs are in place to try keep us safe. But in a very primitive way. Looking back of my situation with Jay, the condition of having to be “good” to keep having a good relationship. This was definitely driven by previous break-ups and the stories I would tell myself about what I could have differently to make those relationships work. Every previous relationship didn’t work because we weren’t right for each other, but at the time that can be hard to see. When your brain goes through something hard, it can “save” the wrong story to try to protect you in the future. And that is the line you need to find and replace.

My favourite is looking at the money mindset with my clients. So many of them feel it would be unacceptable for them to earn more than enough to just scrape by. And most of the time this comes from their upbringing. Believing money is hard to obtain and keep, watching others around them struggle or just get by. Being told it is only ok to want things you truly need, that you can’t just have anything you desire. As a small business owner, this mindset is one of your need to start to shift. Because it is honestly making your life in business WAY harder than it needs to be.

Correcting the thought or belief

The starting point of this can be easy. Honestly, sometimes you will have deep routed beliefs and you might want to seek some help to move them. However, if we focus on some of the smaller beliefs and the things I did to move mine.

The easiest starting point is affirmations daily. Writing a list of improved thoughts or beliefs and reading them at least once a day. This could be something as simple as “I am enough exactly as I am” or you could make them specific to your block “I am worthy of earning more money then I need to survive”.

Another option is to do meditations, I like to do my morning meditations at least 6 times a week. I have 3 audios that I listen to, one around money, one around creative intuition, and the last around abundance and gratitude. This is always the most wonderful way to start my morning. This practice takes me 30 minutes and I do it in bed as soon as I open my eyes.

As you become more aware you will catch the thoughts as they surface, and this is were the magic can happen. Being able to reframe a thought as soon it is arrives is the most powerful. Because you can choose again in the moment to have something else be your reality. So rather then “what did I do to deserve this”, you can replace with “This is lovely and I always deserve it because I am enough”

I would love for you to come over and join me on Instagram, I posted about this topic (here) so come over and connect. And remember what I said at the beginning.

You deserve everything you desire because you are enough.

Exactly as you, without having to change. Living the life of your dreams shouldn’t come with clauses, terms, or restrictions. Because honestly, you are already worthy. Just because you were born, just because you are alive, just because you got this far. Just because you are enough.