With all of the companies I have the pleasure of working with, all of the different industries, levels of people, years of experience, it still surprises me when I get told that people are avoiding having the really difficult conversations.
These could be about performance or quality of work, but more and more I am hearing managers say that they struggle more with the reasons why these issues are happening. Staff feeling over-worked, overwhelmed, stressed or in some of the worse case scenarios I have heard this week, suicidal. Now it is safe to say that any business would not want a culture that makes people feel this way, but I am still seeing a number of businesses that do.
In Mental Health Awareness week we really need to think about not only the person that is raising the feeling but also the leader or manager that is having to deal with it. It can be challenging for both parties.
When delivering courses recently we have spent time talking about the transactional analysis (TA) model. Looking at how our own behaviours and reactions affect the people around us. This psychology can help you understand the type of reactions that are most natural to you and how they then affect the people you are talking to.
The key elements to TA are 3 core ego states, where a grown-up can behave like a parent, child or adult. Looking at each in more detail, the parent and child can both be broken down into 2 extremes, Nurturing or Controlling Parent, Wild or Conforming Child.
Below shows you the actions, behaviours, and outcomes of these different egos.
And well all of these have some positive outcome it is important that we try to function in the Adult ego state as much as possible, dipping into the other ego states just a little depending on the situation.
So the Adult ego state is all about logical thinking, the behaviours you see will be considered, solving problems, thinking before talking. They will behave with honesty and authentic feelings, making sure they are true to their ideas without suppressing others. Due to this they are likely to get a very objective and level headed outcome This can however, be seen as insensitive or distant if the people you are talking to need a more emotive approach.
It is key that you know your natural style when you are stressed or caught off guard. How do you naturally behave? Think about how that might affect the conversations you are having with your team, colleagues, your friends or family.
Self-awareness is the first step on the journey.
If you want to discuss the behaviours in yourself, your team or business, please contact us for a chat.